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FCMB Email Blast Audit

A logo of First City Monument Bank

Written by Deborah Olusegun

January 8, 2025

Please note that this is by no means a recommendation or condemnation of the bank whose email was reviewed here. It is simply an email audit. General public, take note.

I’ve banked with FCMB for some years now.

And seriously, I rank their email marketing higher than other banking institutions that I use.

Yet, even the ‘best’ systems sometimes make mistakes, aren’t always perfect, miss opportunities, and would definitely benefit from an audit.

In this email teardown, I reviewed an email blast –a sales email if you will– that was sent to me by FCMB asking me to take advantage of some payment alternatives.

The audit video below is 4-minute long and is more like a rant (but I’m sure you’ll enjoy it).

Major Takeaways

The takeaways are divided into 2 parts: the goodies and the uglies.

Goodies highlight what is great with the email and what you as a business owner, coach, and marketing director could use.

The uglies focus on missed opportunities that should be taken advantage of and mistakes that need to be corrected.

FCMB email audit. This image contains text of the email. There are 3 paragraphs before an image of a block of logos and another three paragraphs below it.

The Goodies

1. When in doubt, use PAS

PAS is an acronym for Problem-Agitation-Solution. It’s a copywriting formula used to write emails.

I just want to appreciate how it was used in this email.

The first paragraph asks a question that establishes the problem.

The second paragraph agitates the reader about this problem. 

The third paragraph outlines the solution. 

PAS is one of the oldest copywriting formulas and it is brilliant because it allows you to start by recognizing why your ideal client or customer needs your solution. When used right it makes you focus and empathise with your reader. 

Do you need to spot and plug money-leaking, client-shedding holes in your email marketing funnel without the anxiety brought on by guesswork? I can help. Let’s talk!

2. Uneven sentences for the win

One thing I learned from Copy School was that justified sentences on mobile devices aren’t so great. 

Mixing up the sentences, writing shorter sentences, using sentence paragraphs, and so on, makes it easier for your ONE reader to latch on to words. 

There is a great demonstration of this in this email: the first 3 paragraphs are individual sentences of varying lengths. It is broken up by an image and then shorter sentence paragraphs follow. 

This progression is beautiful. 

The Uglies

1. Make the images in your emails big enough to see.

I recognize that there’s a need to keep emails concise and the images featured in this email are logos. 

But on the right you can see about 4 logos with the same shade of blue and the names aren’t exactly visible to someone who doesn’t wear glasses. 

Keep in mind that most people scan emails on their mobile devices meaning the images will be even smaller. 

An alternative to bigger images will be typing out the Operators’ names to make it easier for the customer to scan for their preferred service provider. Or informing the reader that they can check for their preferred operator in another page.

2. Let your subscribers feel special.

Yes, even banking customers. 

Your emails can communicate how much you value your subscribers and customers. The general feeling of this email is telling me that I don’t have much of an option.

And this is a problem with traditional banks here in my home country. For example, I am addressed by my full name, with my surname coming first.

I’d have preferred first name only, but I also understand that the business model and brand might not allow for that. So an alternative will be putting the first name in front and the surname behind. 

I should also add that this is much better than this other bank that always addresses me as “Dear Valued Customer.” 

PS – Adding the word ‘value’ doesn’t signify value. 

3. Segment your list.

For banks, the case is one where unsubscribing from email blasts also means unsubscribing from transactional emails. 

Segmentation and unsubscribe options will stop this from happening. 

Sometimes, all customers care about is their transactions. 

They don’t care about seminars and recognizing this will help customers feel heard. A subscriber should be able to choose the type of emails they want to receive from their bank.

4. Use buttons.

While recording the Loom, I realized that I didn’t touch on buttons (or the lack thereof in the email). 

Some words are hyperlinked, which is great, but there is a bit of confusion as to which is the main CTA. 

A button will clear this up. 

A button also urges readers to take action (click-click). 

When writing your emails, start with a definite CTA. Decide ahead what action you want the reader to take. 

5. Remember to test. 

This is lasting advice, especially for anything that has to do with marketing.

Always be testing. 

For example, an easy way to see if this email or the email that will contain the suggestions I made will perform better is to split test among an engaged group of subscribers. 

When testing, make sure to test not more than two things at once so that you can get clear results. 

Do you need to spot and plug money-leaking, client-shedding holes in your email marketing funnel without the anxiety brought on by guesswork? I can help. Let’s talk!

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